You smoking crack?

No, but my car is.

You're going to love this story.

Back in November we bought this van at an impound auction for $1800.  

When I brought it home & started cleaning it out I found a gun.  Called the police & also found the original impound ticket (no insurance, no license, no registration) so we had the name of the guy who owned the car before us.  

I tell the cop the story about the auction.  They sell the vehicles with all the owners stuff in it because here in Nevada they have until 1 minute before the start of the auction to pay on the impound & claim the vehicle.

He puts on his gloves & picks up the gun.  "It's a toy" he says. "This is all plastic."

Whaaaaahhhhhhttttttt??? 

"In my 20 years of being a cop this is the most realistic toy gun I've ever seen.  It has a removable chamber for bullets, it makes the noise of being cocked." Says Mr. Policeman.

"Take it" I say.  We are a gun free house.  Even a toy gun (except the bright green water pistols) aren't welcome in our house.

The next day we take the van to our mechanic.  

Three months later & $2400 in repair bills we bring the van home where it sits in our driveway.  We don't have the money to insure or register it until this past week.

Steve drives the van on Friday & feels something in the arm rest.

This crack pipe.

Doesn't it look like he's hand model in this pic? 

I feel like taking the van to the cops & letting the drug sniffing dogs see what else they can find. As I've been cleaning out the van I've found 9 air fresheners, collection of key chains, tools, really nice scissors, pay stubs and photos.  The scary thing about the photos is that some were taken at an apartment building that's about 5 blocks from our house.   

On thursday I took the car to get a smog check.  The battery was dead & Steve had to charge it overnight.

Turns out that when the battery cables are disconnected or the battery dies so does the information in the computer.  It takes driving the vehicle 3-5 days before all the info comes back into memory.  

My friend suggested that we have it smugged & blessed.  I said that it would probably end up being a scene from the Exorcist with the car spinning up in the air & throwing up auto fluid.

Van for sale.  Crack pipe optional.