Body image follow up

First off I want to thank everyone for the comments & phone calls yesterday.  It really made me feel good about who & what I am.

I had a chance with the same customer yesterday morning.  I had been vacuuming in the back stock room & didn't hear the door.  

I came out to find him standing with a friend of his.  

"This is Mimi.  This is Marie."

"Hi Marie. My name's Lauren."

In no way did I want to make him feel bad.  He's a fun natured guy and I know that it wasn't said in spite.  I put it into the same category as the time when Mr. T'dots said to a friend after she had gotten a drastic hair cut "It makes you look like a soccer Mom."  

Not the words she wanted to hear but the best way he could think of to complement her. 

"You're not wearing your crazy clothes."  I was wearing jeans, long sleeve tie-dye t-shirt and my hair pulled back into a pony.

"I don't dress like that every day.  This is who I am. I have to tell you that I really don't consider myself to be flamboyant.  I think of myself as 'free spirited'. I'm not Mimi.  Her character was mean, spiteful and played practical jokes to harm.  I understand that you didn't call me Mimi in spite.  But I'd prefer if you'd call me Lauren."

He apologized.  I apologized for making him feel guilty.  I believe we cleared the air.  

Sorry Mimi.  Lauren's here to stay.

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Molly and her new friend

A very very bored dog.

If you click on the photo you can get a better look at part of the store.

Why is Molly at the store?  Monday afternoon one of our neighbors drove by the store to tell us that Molly had CHEWED her way thru the gate.  She was in the front yard.  He put her back in the yard and put a few things in front of the gate.

Mr. T'dots went home and found her in the front yard.  Sure enough she had chewed thru the wooden gate.  

We normally dog sit mon-fri but the owner has been sick so no Enzo.  She & Enzo play for hours on end. I guess separation anxiety?  

Mr. T'dots fixed the gate & then inspected the fence to make sure there weren't anymore escape routes.  

I brought her to the store in the afternoon to hang.  She loves being there but gets bored. 

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Last night's dinner

Salmon loaf & roasted veggies

Salmon loaf is one of my Mom's recipes.  I loved it as a kid & love it even more as an adult. Comfort food.

Pre-heat oven 350

In a small baking dish:

Open 1 can of salmon & pour into dish.  Separate out bones & skin.  (I usually put the skin into Molly's food & the bones back into the can.)

1 green onion cut up fine

1 piece of celery cut up fine

Salt

Pepper

Dill

Hint of cayenne pepper

1-2 TBS brown rice flour

Crack 1 egg over mixture.

Now get your hands messy & mix all together.  Form into giant patty.

Bake 35-40 mins.  

Thanks MOM!

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12:12 pm

Mr. T'dots modeling a Mardi Gras head dress

Self Image

"You know who you remind me of?"  asks the customer.

"No who?" 

"She's a famous tv star."

Thinking.... thinking... who do I look like?  In the 80's I was told I looked like Jennilee Harilson the last blonde on "Three's Company".  But she's not around anymore.  

Thinking... thinking... thinking.... "I give up."

"Mimi from Drew Carry!" he says with a giant grin.

Shit.  "Really?  Mimi was a mean person.  I'm not mean. I think I'm pretty nice."

Customer " You are nice! Mimi was very flamboyant.  She wore crazy costumes every day & you are flamboyant."

Now I don't think of myself as being flamboyant.  I think of myself as free spirited. Yes I have blonde hair with purple, gold, orange & red highlights.  Yes I will wear a petticoat when the event calls for it.  But I think of Mimi as being a clown.  I don't think of myself as a clown. 

He wasn't saying this to be mean.  He was saying it from the heart.  He can't remember my name and insists on calling me Mimi.  He insists to me that he loves my energy and both he & his wife really enjoy shopping at my store.  But Mimi?  

It hurts to even write about this.  Am I a clown?  Am I a fool in my clothing choices?  And how many others feel this way about me? It's not in me to dress like the rest of the world. 

It kills me when I see today's generation all dressing exactly the same with no creativity at all. Jeans, t-shirt with some mall store's name on it, the right shoes and big knock-off purse.  

My self image isn't strong.  I get asked constantly when the baby is due?  "Must be soon!"  I've given up saying "Oh, I'm not pregnant.  I'm just fat."  That makes the person asking feel embarrassed and bad for asking.  Instead I say 2 months from now.   

I've had strangers put their hands on my belly.  "Can I feel it kick?" 

I've had children in stores ask if I have a baby in my belly.

I was at Disneyland and had a ride attendant tell me that pregnant women weren't recommended for the ride.

Don't tell me to do crunches.  I do crunches.  Don't tell me that it will go away as I lose weight. Yes it is but even thin it protrudes and the baby question keeps getting asked.  

And since I went thru menopause at 42 the chance of a baby in the belly is minute.  

I have trouble buying pants.  A friend suggested that maybe I go ahead & get pregnant jeans. Another friend turned me onto Lane Bryant new "perfect fit" jeans.  At $45 a pair it's just not going to happen. My dream pants?  Levi's 501 straight leg with the waist size left on the back tag.  

My realistic pants?  Something with elastic.

Yes, I know I'm doing the absolute right thing for myself.  I'm losing weight.  I'm eating "clean". I'm exercising. I'm doing all the right things. Everyday.  All the time.  I know all of that.  

But Mimi?  

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Last night's dinner.

Moroccan whitefish one skillet recipe

I found this recipe online & tweeked it a bit.

1-3 red potatoes sliced 1/4"

1 pound whitefish thawed

1 bunch fresh cilantro

1 med onion sliced 1/4"

1-2 sweet bell peppers

Open crisper & see what other veggies you have.  Slice about 1/4" 

In a clean jar

1/2 c water

1 TBS olive oil

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

1 tsp coriander

1 tsp turmeric

dash cayenne pepper.

In a thick skillet layer potatoes.  Lay fish on top.  Cover with cilantro, onions, peppers & various veggies.

Pour sauce over everything.

Cover & cook on med 30 mins.  Open lid every 10 mins & tilt pan to side & spoon sauce over everything.

I loved loved loved this meal.  Enjoy!